Relationships: The Demands of Ego
Relationships thrive when those involved in it are happy. When they people feel complete, secure and happy, then there will be happiness in the relationship. These people realise that they cannot depend on their relationships for happiness. All of their interaction then mirrors the entirety of what they are. Do you experience this in your relationship or are you expecting your relationship to offer you what it cannot?
Most of us were made to believe that our happiness in life is determined by other people. We were taught this belief before we knew how to walk or talk. This is the primary false belief common to every relationship. An indication of this is in the subconscious statements we make such as “She makes me happy.”
Suffering occurs when people who get into relationships feel incomplete, insecure and unhappy and then demand that the relationship completes them, make them feel secure and gives them happiness. When individual happiness flows into the relationship, instead of expecting happiness from the relationship, only then can there be true happiness in that relationship.
We tend to make the mistake of demanding that our relationships or people should make us happy. If we expect that our relationships should make us happy then it could as well make us unhappy. This will, therefore, be an unfair demand, except we are prepared to be unhappy at any time. The focus here is on romantic relationships.
Demands of Ego
The greatest misconception in relationships is that we can find true happiness as a result of a relationship. This misleading belief has lead to a lot of unhappiness as well as happiness in relationships because we believe it can constantly make us happy but in reality, it cannot.
True happiness is resident in you already; your relationship is there to share out of this experience. Most people enter into relationships to find fulfillment and someone who will give them satisfaction or pleasure. This means that you are using someone to make you feel better about yourself. People make demands of the relationship to provide things such as peace, support, security or sense of self, for example, I am in a great relationship.
When it becomes apparent that other person cannot provide these needs, the relationship can turn toxic. When you hear people make statements like “you make me happy” or “my other half”, it comes from the ego of not feeling complete and expecting others to satisfy that need. Relationships just like every other thing in this world are unstable and depending on them can be dangerous
What is the Remedy?
Search within for traces of jealousy, resentment or fear in the relationship or your partner. Taking note of these traits in yourself begins to separate you from them, even if just slightly. Being aware of these reactions to your relationship or partner means you will become aware when next you are doing this and gradually try to stop doing them.
You can now enjoy the relationship(s) you are involved in without feeling the need for them to make you feel good or complete. Because you are aware, you are not so attached and can freely share and give love in the relationship. You enjoy it while it lasts and not scared when it has to end. There is a feeling of great freedom when you do not demand happiness from anyone else.